


Come Healing

by Bizarra



Series: Come Healing Universe [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: AU of Basics, Episode: s03e01 Basics Part 2, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Merry Month of Cohen, Potential Triggers, Rape Recovery, Yep I went there, because seska didn't actually lie, but he isn't the main plot, there is a baby involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 19:29:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19026430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bizarra/pseuds/Bizarra
Summary: In this AU of Basics, Seska and Culluh kept the Captain aboard the ship when they left everyone else on Hanon IV. This is the aftermath from Chakotay's POV. Kathryn's story is coming eventually, but, this is where this song took me.Part of the Merry Month of Cohen angst-fest. This isn't as angsty as my first one. I promise. :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Manalyzer for being my sounding board and talking me down when I had genuine panic attacks about finishing this on time. As it is, it's a day late, but, thanks to her keeping me on track. 
> 
> Ni'hana is pronounced "Knee-ha-nuh"

_O solitude of longing_  
 _Where love has been confined_  
 _Come healing of the body_  
Come healing of the mind

_O see the darkness yielding_   
_That tore the light apart_   
_Come healing of the reason_   
_Come healing of the heart_   
_Lyrics by: Leonard Cohen, Sung by: Jenny Simmons_

 

Chakotay wiped the sweat off his brow as he walked back to the fire, to hand B’Elanna his catch of the day: some sort of large animal that looked like a cross between a rabbit and a squirrel; Mike Ayala had dubbed it a “squabbit”. Whatever it was, it was big enough to feed at least three people. “Has Harry’s group come in yet?” he asked.

The half-Klingon shook her head. “Not yet, Chakotay. They should be back soon. I hope they were more successful than you, in their hunt.” She scratched her bare arm before settling down to skin the animal she’d just been handed.

Chakotay sighed and looked around at the other campsites. He’d lost count, but he thought perhaps it had been at least a month or two since the Kazon had overtaken Voyager and left them on this godsforsaken hell of a planet. He glanced upward, squinting in the heat of the afternoon sun. The last planet he’d been marooned on had been much more temperate.

And Kathryn had been there. 

He crouched and picked up a rock, then gave it a hard toss toward the horizon. He missed her. The Kazon - no, Seska - had decided, at the last minute, to keep Voyager’s captain with them. Why, he didn’t know, but having been on the receiving end of Kazon hospitality, himself, Chakotay was more than a little worried about what they could be doing to her. He threw another rock, this one with a roar of anger behind it, and the projectile flew much further than the last.

He’d promised to protect her; his Captain. The woman he’d fallen in love with, despite everything. And that promise had lasted less than a fucking month. 

“Chakotay, Harry’s group is back and they had a successful hunt,” B’Elanna’s voice echoed back to him. With a growl, he turned back to the burgeoning village the crew had managed to begin to build, along with the native tribe they’d befriended. The least he could do, now, was protect her people. And he’d die doing that. Without hesitation.

His anger hidden away, Chakotay walked back into the thriving community and congratulated the newly-arrived group on their hunt. It had taken his body several days to adjust to the meat, but vegetation was not plentiful on Hanon, so any vegetarians of the crew had to make the adjustment or starve. He never failed, though, to give thanks to the animal’s spirit for giving its’ life for his.

Once the food was eaten, and the sun had set on another day in their barren paradise, both the Voyagers and the Hanon tribe settled for another evening of storytelling and language-teaching. Chakotay moved to sit at the the edge of the firelight and watched the stars, as had become his habit before retiring for the night. He turned when he heard footsteps behind him.

“You are unsettled, Cha-ko-tay.” The Hanon chief slowly dropped down next to him. He’d spoken in broken Federation standard, the language sounding odd from the man’s tongue. “You, shu’ta,” the man tapped a finger to his forehead, then waved the finger toward the sky, “there.”

Chakotay gave the man a sad smile and dropped his gaze down to the dusty land beneath him. Yes, his mind was in the stars. Somewhere. He looked back at the man, whom he’d befriended after rescuing his daughter from certain death in a lava flow. They’d joined forces, after that moment, and the gentle old man looked toward Chakotay as a fellow chieftain. Which, Chakotay supposed he was, now.

Chakotay let out a long, drawn out breath and nodded. “Our ship.” He pointed toward the darkened sky. “Terrible people defeated us and …” He was interrupted with a hand on his wrist, which stopped his comment.

“This I know,” the wizened man said to him. “There is other,” he hesitated, mentally looking for the word, “story.”

Chakotay huffed a light chuckle at the man’s intuition and nodded. He glanced to the chief. “A woman.” At the spark of realization in the man’s eye, Chakotay added quickly: “Our Captain. Chief. The enemy took her.”

“You are …”

“Worried, yes.” Chakotay absently drew his fingers through the loose dirt. “She can take care of herself.” He glanced up, and raised his arm in a clenched fist. “She is a brave warrior.” He rubbed his hands together, brushing the dusty muck off, “but there were so many of them.”

“And she is only one.” A wrinkled wrist reached to wrap around Chakotay’s. “She is your ni’hana.” The man turned and pointed in the direction of his hut, occupied by his mate.

Understanding dawned and Chakotay shook his head. “She’s a friend, our leader. I’m concerned about my friend.”

The old man slowly stood and stretched out his crackling knees. Chakotay felt a warm pat on the shoulder as the man, with clear knowledge in his eyes, leaned. “She is your ni’hana. You will find her again, Cha-ko-tay of Voy-ager.” Then, the man turned and toddled back to his hut for the night.

Chakotay turned back to the open night and lifted his gaze, again, to the stars. Maybe Kathryn was his ni’hana. He huffed out a resigned breath. No, there was no ‘maybe’ about it. He’d handed her his heart the day he destroyed his ship, to save hers. Her protocols be damned, he’d wait for her until the end of time, if he could just get off this damned rock and find her, to know that she was all right.

Deciding he’d had enough of his morose thoughts, Chakotay stood and ambled back to the light of the village. He nodded to a few of the crew and natives, as he disappeared into his own hut. He hoped he could fade into a dreamless sleep and leave his damning thoughts to the night.

=/\=

The next day proved just as hot, and just as mundane, as any previous on Hanon. They’d long ago dispensed of the formality of their uniforms and rank; most of the crew went about their day in either the T-shirt or the tank top, with the pants. Some were even beginning to learn to make clothes from the leathers left from the animals they ate. 

Chakotay took a drink from his water skin and sat with Tuvok and B’Elanna, working on crafting more weapons. The Hanons had told them the easiest way to defeat the giant worm-like creatures was to aim spears at the back of their necks. They’d begun to stockpile as many weapons as they could, because one of those creatures could feed them for some time.

As he whittled at the spear he was working on, Chakotay could hear a distant, low hum. It wasn’t a sound he recognized; not the sound of a volcano, when it was nearing an eruption. He passed it off as an insect, or his ears ringing, when it grew louder and more insistent. He glanced up and, not seeing anything, went back to his work.

“Chakotay.” B’Elanna’s elbow, digging into his side, made him turn and glare at her. She stood and pointed in the opposite direction he’d scanned. “Look!”

He followed her point and, for a moment, stopped breathing. He felt his heart skip a beat as he stood, himself. Voyager. Kathryn. She’d come back. He dropped the items in his hand and watched as the ship flew closer, passed overhead, and landed in a clearing just beyond the rise they’d settled on. The ship being here could only mean she’d gotten the better of Culluh and his men, and come back for them. It meant she was okay.

He led everyone down to where the ship was now settle and they stopped beneath the shelter of the saucer. Honestly, it was one of the most beautiful sights he’d seen since waking up next to Kathryn on New Earth. A communicator materialized near his feet and he picked it up. “Chakotay to Voyager, it’s good to see you,” he said into the communicator.

“Commander.” Tom sounded surprised to hear his voice.

“Paris?” Not the voice he’d been expecting. Chakotay was pleasantly surprised to know Tom was alive; he’d thought the man was killed when the shuttle he’d left in was destroyed. “Can you give me an update?”

“The ship is clear of Kazon. We found Seska, dead in the Ready Room. Doc thinks she was killed a few days before we could gain control of Voyager. As far as we could tell, she was the only enemy casualty. Lon Suder was our only casualty. He died with honor, Sir. The Kazon put up a fight once we boarded, but, in the end, abandoned ship.”

Maybe Kathryn had been injured in the retaking. “Tom, is the captain in Sickbay?” He really hoped this sudden twisting in his gut was a wrong intuition.

A hesitation. That was concerning. “I thought she was with you.”

“She’s not on the ship?” 

“Not that I know of, Sir. I only knew of the Doc and Suder.”

That twisting in his gut had become a full-blown clench. “Tom, get me aboard, now.”

The bridge began to form as he materialized. As soon as he could move, Chakotay stepped to the blonde man. “It’s good to see you, Tom.” He glanced around and saw the rest of the bridge was filled with Talaxians; Tom’s mission had clearly been a success. He nodded. “I thank you all for your help, in getting our ship back. You’ve made permanent allies here. Should you need anything, as long as we’re in range, we will be at your service.”

The men nodded and went back to their work of helping to retrieve Voyager’s crew. Chakotay returned his focus to Voyager’s helmsman. “You really haven’t seen the captain?”

Tom shook his head. “No. I thought she was with you. Once we gained control of the ship, we did a scan, just to make sure there were no other crew aboard, and came up empty.” He shrugged. “Doc and I assumed the entire crew, except Suder, who’d been hiding, had been marooned in the Hanon system.”

Chakotay shook his head, dread now worming its way through his bloodstream. “She was with us, initially, but, at the last minute, Culluh’s men pulled her back aboard. That was the last I’ve seen of her.” He rushed towards the Ops station. “She’s got to be on this ship, somewhere.” He initialized a full interior scan and waited.

Tom followed him. “Chakotay, the first thing I did was run a scan…”

“You missed something, you had to have.” He watched as the scan progressed with no results. The bridge turbolift doors slid open as more crew were beamed aboard. Harry Kim stepped to him. 

“Something I can help you with, Sir?”

Chakotay looked up. “Harry, if a bio-sign has been removed from the computer, can you unmask it?”

“If it exists, I should be able to,” the young man replied.

“Don’t say ‘if’, Ensign,” Chakotay spat. “Kathryn’s on this damned ship, somewhere.” Because the thought that they’d taken her with them was too frightening to contemplate. “Find her!” He left the station and rushed to the lift. In his panic, Chakotay hadn’t noticed he’d used her first name. “Get everyone their combadges back. We need internal communication, now.” He gave orders while he waited for the lift doors to open. “I want this ship physically searched, from top to bottom.” The doors opened and he stepped in. 

“Deck three,” he told the lift. He’d start with her quarters and work out from there. He paced the small length of the round lift, trying desperately to outrun the nightmarish turn his thoughts had made. A month and a half. Gods. Stop it Chakotay, she can take care of herself. She can take care of herself. He kept repeating that, like a mantra, in his head as he hurried down the corridor and stopped in front of her door. He hesitated, for a panicked fraction of a moment, before keying in his override. The door slid open and he stepped in. The silence was heavy. Too heavy. Her spirit wasn’t here, but something had happened here. The air fairly crackled with heavy tension.

His eyes swept the living quarters and saw nothing. He moved to the bedroom and gingerly crept around the corner. The initial relief at finding the bed empty nearly felled him. He’d almost been expecting to find her body. Chakotay moved further into the room and, what he did find, horrified him. A groan of agony unconsciously slipped out. There were empty manacles at the top of the bed, encrusted with dried blood. The sheets were covered with evidence that someone had been held there, for days on end. Blood, waste, vomit. The stench was nearly overwhelming.

Oh, Kathryn.

If she wasn’t here, where the hell was she? And was she still alive? Wherever she was, she was badly injured. Chakotay stumbled out of her quarters before he lost the contents of his own stomach. “Computer, open a shipwide channel.” He stopped and propped himself up on the deck wall, outside her quarters. He tried to keep the shakiness out of his voice, but failed. “This is Commander Chakotay. If … if anyone finds, or hears, the Captain, call,” he had to stop and swallow the bile, “call me immediately. I need to be the one to approach her. Chakotay out.” Once he closed the comms channel, he slammed his hand against the wall. Repeatedly, until the wall was smeared with his blood, and his hand was just as shattered as he felt.

Chakotay staggered into his own quarters. Thankfully, they’d been left alone and there had been no evidence of … he rushed into his head, when he could finally no longer hold in the vomit. When his stomach was emptied, Chakotay washed himself. He grabbed a t-shirt and wrapped it around his bloodied and broken hand. Then, on steadier feet, he left and continued his search.

He’d ordered the computer to unlock every door, including personal quarters, so each person could search. In this case, he doubted anyone would care, but, if they did, they could complain to him, later. He’d done complete searches of Decks Three, Four and Five. He was in the lift, en route to Six, when his combadge chirped. “Chakotay here.”

“Commander, this is Lieutenant Hargrove. I’m on Deck Fourteen, just outside the unused exobiology lab. I can hear a baby crying. Weakly, but definitely crying.”

Baby? Oh. Son of a bitch. “I’m on my way, Hargrove. Stay where you are.” He changed the lift destination to Deck Fourteen and paced until it finally deposited him at the requested floor.

As soon as the lift doors opened, Chakotay bolted and ran down the corridor, as fast as he could. He stopped in front of the lab and nodded at Hargrove. “Thank you, Lieutenant.” He looked at the closed doors with trepidation. “I’ll, uh, take it from here.” Chakotay hesitated a moment before he stepped forward and activated the doors. 

The lab was dark and there were no viewports. Chakotay moved far enough in so the doors would close and then requested: “Computer, activate lights, thirty percent illumination.” He didn’t want to damage the baby’s eyes with sudden light. He followed the sound of the whimpering, around the corner, into what would be the lab’s office, and stopped cold, his breath whooshing from his lungs.

It was as if time stood still, for a moment and then suddenly started again, but in slow motion. There, unconscious - because he refused to think otherwise - on the floor, lay Kathryn. An agonized cry escaped his lips as Chakotay’s legs gave way and and he dropped hard onto his knees; she’d clearly been beaten and assaulted. Her wrists were raw and scabbed, from the restraints he’d found in her bedroom. She lay on her left side and was nude, bloodied, and covered in her own waste. Her long, beautiful hair was matted and across her face. He inched forward on all fours. “Kathryn,” he said softly. From the angle he knelt, he couldn’t see if she was breathing or not.

Her right arm was draped over the baby. At one point, she must have been conscious enough to tuck him close to her, protecting him. The infant was clearly hungry and was trying to suckle at her bare breasts, but wailed in frustration when he couldn’t get his nourishment. Chakotay crept closer, whispering softly to the child. He gently brushed his hand across the tiny head. “It’s alright, my son. You’re safe now.”

It was then his tears fell. 

He eased the baby from Kathryn’s embrace and reached to press a hand against her neck, praying to his Gods and Spirits. He felt a heartbeat. It was faint, weak, but it was there. She was alive. Thank the Gods, she was alive. He couldn’t stop the relieved sobs.

He tapped his combadge. “Chakotay to Sickbay,” he gulped out. “Doctor, I found the captain. She’s alive. Barely. I need an emergency transport for three. Lock on to my bio-sign, the infant in my arms, and my combadge.” He took off his badge and lay it on Kathryn’s side.

“Aye, Commander,” came the reply from the Doctor and, within moments, they materialized in the medical bay.

Someone - Kes, he thinks - took the baby from him, and he gently lifted Kathryn to carefully lay her on the closest bio-bed. The Doctor rushed over and gracelessly shoved him out of the way. Chakotay moved to give the EMH the space to work and turned to find Seska’s body, laying on the next bed.

He looked at the first person he saw - Tom Paris, as he flew through the doors - and ordered: “Get her the hell out of here.” 

“Aye, Sir,” Tom replied.

Chakotay turned and watched the Doctor work on Kathryn. On top of her other injuries, she looked malnourished. He had a feeling, given the location she and the baby had been found, Culluh had been hoping the two would have died before they’d been discovered. That Kazon bastard had better hope they never ran across each other again; the Maje would not survive the encounter.

“Commander,” a soft voice called to him. He turned to find Kes holding the boy. “He’s going to be fine. We’ll keep him overnight, to ease him back into eating the proper amount for his age. He was not injured, otherwise. Would you like to hold him?”

Chakotay numbly nodded. “Thank you, Kes.” He took the infant from her arms. “Can you run a DNA scan on him. Just to be sure?”

“I ran a scan on him a few weeks ago, Commander,” the Doctor spoke up from Kathryn’s table. “He is yours.”

“That explains why Culluh left him when they abandoned ship,” Chakotay replied. He held the baby closer and took his first good look at him. He had the forehead of a Cardassian, but not as pronounced. The baby’s dark hair, brown eyes, and light bronze skin had clearly come from Chakotay’s own genetics. His son.

“Let me look at your hand,” Kes told him as she unwrapped the shirt from the hand he’d honestly forgotten he’d broken; with the reminder came the sharp pain. She ran the osteo-regenerator over it and soon declared it healed. But, warned him to be gentle with the newly-mended bones for a couple days. He nodded.

Having repaired his hand, Kes handed him a bottle, for the infant. Chakotay let the baby take the bottle. “Did she give his name?”

The Doctor shook his head. “She never mentioned one, Commander. You may name him as you wish.”

Chakotay nodded. His son would have a brave name. He looked over to where the Doctor worked. A sheet was now draped across Kathryn, allowing her dignity as the physician moved around her. He sat in a close chair, not wanting to take his eyes off her. He knew he really needed to get to the bridge; to get updated on ship’s systems and make sure the entire crew was back on board. 

He startled when his communicator chirped. “Chakotay here.”

“Commander,” Tuvok’s steady voice was heard, “the bridge crew would like an update on the Captain’s condition.” Bridge crew. A likely excuse from the Vulcan Lieutenant who cared about Kathryn as much as he did.

“The Doctor is still working on her. She is alive.”

The doctor turned. “And her prognosis is good. It may be a while, but, over time, I expect a full recovery.”

“Doc says she will okay,” Chakotay relayed the message. 

“They will be glad to hear the news,” Tuvok said. As are you, my friend.

“Thank you. Tuvok. I appreciate it.” Chakotay closed the channel with a sigh. He noticed the baby had stopped suckling and moved him to his shoulder to burp and, hopefully, sleep. He drifted a gentle hand over the small back as he watched the Doctor continue to work to save the life of the woman he loved.

His ni’hana. Of that, he was now inescapably positive.


	2. Chapter 2

Chakotay startled, fully-awake, as he felt himself falling forward. He took a deep breath and reoriented himself. He was sitting in sickbay, next to the bio-bed that held Kathryn’s still-unconscious form. The Doctor had told him he’d put her into a shallow medical coma, two days ago, to allow her body to heal and take in the required nutrients that she’d been denied for so long. The EMH was hopeful he’d be able to wake her that afternoon.

The baby was stirring in the small crib, next to his lounger, and Chakotay unfolded himself to pick him up before he started to fuss. The infant had a large voice for someone so small. Thankfully, had they not heard him crying, he and Kathryn might not have been found so quickly. Chakotay heard steps behind him and turned to find Kes’s smiling face and a bottle.

“He has quite the appetite, Commander.”

He nodded with a smile. “My mother often said the same of me.” He lowered his arms. “Would you mind?” offering the baby to the small woman. “I need to go check in with the Bridge.”

“Of course, Sir.”

“Chakotay, Kes.” He let her take the baby. “Please.”

She nodded and offered the bottle to the now-whimpering infant.

With a last glance at Kathryn, Chakotay nodded at Kes and left the room.

=/\=

The warm Hanon sun shone through the ready room viewports and splashed across the couch. Chakotay sat, reading through the repair reports. They’d been lucky enough to find some much-needed minerals on the planet, to assist in their repairs. One of the first things he’d done was thoroughly clean Kathryn’s quarters; he replaced her bed, completely, though he didn’t know if she’d ever stay there, again. If necessary, he’d gladly switch quarters with her. 

The native tribe had been a huge help in gathering supplies, including the squabbit, so it could be added into the replicators. Despite the desperation, it had become a favorite meal of many of the crew, including - much to his chagrin - himself. He knew the issue of the Prime Directive and a pre-warp society, but, in this case, the exception had been made. The tribe had been curious about their technology, but not frightened or covetous of it. Because of that, Chakotay was only happy to share anything they wished.

Kathryn could rake him over the coals, later. When she was able, he’d be glad to have that argument with her. Hell, he’d be glad to have any argument with her.

The chime rung and Chakotay bade whoever it was to enter. He wasn’t surprised to find Tuvok. He stood. “Lieutenant,” he gestured the Vulcan forward. “I was just reading B’Elanna’s engineering report. The warp engines should be online and ready to go in the next couple days.”

“That is good. I know it is too late to lessen the impact on our friends, on the planet, but we should depart, soon.”

Chakotay nodded his agreement. “I did want to leave them with some water and, perhaps, a supply of vegetables, if we have enough to spare. We should thank them, somehow.” He gestured for the man to sit.

“Indeed,” Tuvok replied as he sat on the couch. The security officer waited a moment before he asked: “How are the Captain and the infant?”

“The baby is healthy. The Doctor is going to begin waking the Captain, this afternoon. He feels her injuries are healed enough that, at this point, she should be conscious for the rest of her recovery.” Chakotay sat back and took a deep breath. Because of his place in command, and the fact that the Doctor had considered him as good as next of kin, he’d been told the entirety of her trauma. “She has a long road ahead of her, Tuvok.”

Her old friend nodded and Chakotay swore he saw a brief glimpse of sadness in the impassive face. “If you wish it, Commander, per regulations, you are owed paternal leave to care for your infant. I will assume command of Voyager while you see to the care of your son.” The Vulcan’s eyes met his and an eyebrow lifted. “And the Captain.” The man’s gaze fell slightly. “When you, or she, are ready to resume command, you may do so, at any time. Until then, I trust you will care for her as I will care for her ship and her crew.”

Vulcans had no emotions, his ass. Chakotay stood as Tuvok did. “Thank you, Tuvok. It is most appreciated.” They walked to the door of the ready room. “I will keep you updated on any changes in her condition, and the progress of her recovery. Please keep me updated on ship’s business.” He gave a light smile. “I know she’ll want to know.”

The doors slid open as Tuvok replied: “Of course, Commander.”

Tuvok resumed his place on the bridge, and Chakotay headed to the turbolift and back down to Sickbay.

=/\=

“I’m ready to bring her out, now,” the Doctor told him.

Chakotay nodded. He took Kathryn’s hand and gave it a light squeeze as the EMH delivered the medication that would wake her.

“It could take some time for her to come out of it,” the doctor explained. “She could very well settle into a sleep and just wake, when she’s ready.”

“I understand.” Chakotay made himself comfortable in the chair next to her bed, to wait.

After a while, Kes brought the quiet and content baby over. She handed over the little one and smiled. “Have you given him a name, yet?”

He brushed a gentle finger across the cheek of the awake, but sleepy, infant. “Chakima, the caller.” He looked to the small, blonde nurse. “If he hadn’t been crying, we may not have found them in time.”

The small woman laughed lightly. “He’s going to live up to his name.”

He answered her laugh with one of his own. That was certainly proving true. A small moan, from the bed, snapped his attention to the woman on it. “Kes, take the baby.” He stood, once his arms were free, and moved closer.

Chakotay slid his hand gently over hers and bent close to her. The Doctor stood opposite him, scanning her. “Kathryn,” he said softly. Her eyes fluttered open, then quickly closed. He looked up. “Doc, can you lower the lights?”

The room lights faded. “Kathryn, you can open your eyes, now. It’s not as bright.”

Her eyes opened again and she whimpered, fearfully, before looking around quickly. “Charlie,” she muttered in a worry-tinged voice. “Where…” Her gaze settled on his face and the cry she let out nearly did him in. She pulled her hand from his and, with a feather-light touch, traced his cheek. “Are you real? Please be real.”

He gently caressed her face and drifted his fingers into her again-clean and silky hair. “I’m real, Kathryn. You’re in sickbay.”

“Are they gone?” she asked.

He nodded. “They are. We have Voyager back.” He smiled and gently traced her cheek with his thumb. “Tom Paris saved the day. He’s never going to let us forget that.”

She smiled weakly at his joke. Her smile faded as she turned serious: “It’s over, then.”

When he nodded, her face crumpled and he pulled her into his arms as she sobbed in relief. Chakotay sat on the edge of her biobed and held her tightly as she cried against him. He rocked softly, assured her gently, and shed his own restorative tears. 

When her tears finally calmed, he held her until she moved away. Now, more coherent, she looked at him with a panicked gaze. “Baby. Charlie. Where is he?”

“He’s just fine, Kathryn,” Chakotay assured. “He was hungry, but otherwise uninjured.” He moved aside, so she could see the crib with the now-sleeping baby inside. He smiled. “We’ve been waiting for you to wake.”

He helped her lie back, her worry now abated. “He’s yours. According to Culluh.” She turned to face the baby. “Something must’ve happened to Seska, because he brought the baby in with me. Sometime later, he transported us to an empty lab, somewhere. We never saw him, or any others, again.” She swallowed thickly. “He said he hoped we’d be dead soon.” Her eyes widened. “I wonder if that’s when Tom …”

He nodded. “It might have been.” He’d have to ask Tom how long ago he’d retaken control of Voyager. He smiled, hoping to change the subject. “Charlie?”

She looked the baby’s way. “I had to call him something. He seemed like a Charlie, to me.” Her gaze returned to his. “I don’t know what his name actually is though.”

He smiled at her. “I like Charlie. It’s a good name.” He decided, then and there, that Charlie would be his boy’s name; Chakima would be his personal name. “Thank you for naming my son. For taking care of him.”

“Chakotay, I …” She was interrupted when the Doctor stepped in and gave them both an impatient look.

“I think you should rest, Captain.”

Chakotay moved to give the physician room, and watched as Kathryn waved away a sedative that he tried to give her, complaining that she had enough drugs in her system and that she wanted to rest on her own.

At the Doctor’s pleading look to him, Chakotay shrugged. “I’ll leave her alone, so she can sleep.” At the quick, panicked look in her eyes, he assured: “I’m not going far, though.” He gestured to the chair he stood next to. “Charlie and I will be right here.” He gave her a quick wink.

As the Doctor walked away, she regarded him with a look and, ever the captain, asked: “What about the ship? Can I get an update?”

He chuckled and sat. “We’re still on the surface of Hanon. We’re using this opportunity to carry out full repairs.” He shrugged. “As full as we can do with limited resources. We expect to be here for another few days.”

He debated, for a moment, before discussing what happened on the planet. “We lost Hogan when he was attacked by a large, worm-like creature. He was our only casualty. We did make friends with a nomadic tribe. They joined forces with us and have been helping us with supplies.”

She frowned. “Nomadic? Pre-warp?”

He nodded. “I know, but we’d formed a joint village and they were with us when Voyager came back.” He shook his head. “Don’t worry. Their chief and I became good friends. They’re good people, Kathryn. They helped us.” He sat forward and leaned his elbows on his knees. “I want to help them.” At her look, he shook his head. “Not with technology. With water and food supplies. Vegetables.”

“Chakotay …”

He lifted his hand to halt the argument that was coming, not that he wouldn’t love to have a good, heated argument with her. But, the Doctor would skin him alive. “Tuvok has already approved it. He and I discussed it, at length, and agreed that giving them supplies without technology falls within the Prime Directive, as an errand of mercy.”

Her eyebrow lifted. “Only just.” She stifled a yawn. “But, the two of you know these people, so I’ll have to defer.”

“You should try to sleep.” He moved to take her hand, then remembered his place and started to pull away. Instead, she reached for him and gave his hand a squeeze, then, without separating, settled and closed her eyes to sleep.

He moved his chair closer, to make it more comfortable on her elbow, and lay her arm flat on the bed, not letting loose of her hand. If his body suffered for her comfort, so be it. It wouldn’t begin to come close to making up, to her, the guilt he felt for being unable to protect her from this pain.


	3. Chapter 3

Chakotay sat on the bed, regaling Kathryn with stories from the crew’s time on Hanon; the good memories that they’d made. He told her of the way he’d rescued Caera, the old Chief’s daughter, from the lava, and how it had paved the way for them to make allies of the tribe; of learning and teaching each other’s languages; of watching Mortimer Harren attempt to build a hut.

She had chuckled at that. It was good to hear her laughter. As her recovery progressed, the sound had been rare. Chakotay watched her face as smiled. Her eyes were still flat, the amusement not reaching them. He sighed. One day. One day, her eyes would echo her laughter, again.

She’d been released from Sickbay nearly three months ago, and had been convalescing in his quarters. It’d been a long, hard few months for them both: Kathryn had had complications, due to re-introducing more calories to her malnourished system, and had to be readmitted to sickbay for a few days. She’d had a mild heart attack, but the Doctor was able to regenerate the damaged areas, and she was back on the road to physical recovery.

Mentally, there were still challenges. She still had frequent nightmares; still needed the lighting at about twenty-percent, while sleeping. She’d shown no inclination, at all, to return to her quarters, and he’d made multiple trips to retrieve any personal items she might need.

Because of Kathryn’s frequent nightmares, Chakotay had given up any pretense of sleeping on the couch and just started sleeping with her. Thankfully, Charlie slept through the night, though Kathryn often woke him when she cried out.

The previous night, Kathryn had only cried out once, so the morning was a good one. They hadn’t been awake long and were still in bed clothes; he, bare chested and in sweatpants and she in a peach satin gown. Chakotay was glad to see she looked rested and, hopefully, felt it, so he continued his stories: Yes, Vorik was surprisingly good at hunting squabbit.

“Squabbit?” she asked with a confused cock of her head.

“One of the few edible animals on Hanon,” he explained. “It looked like a cross between a large rabbit and an even bigger squirrel.” He smiled. “That’s how it got its name. I think Ayala named it.” She chuckled. “It’s in the replicator. A lot of us learned to actually enjoy it.”

“Us? You ate it, too?”

“Even Tuvok. We had no choice,” he explained. “We found very few edible plants, and those that were had no real nutritious value. That’s why we gave Chief Aelnak vegetables and seedlings.”

She acknowledged his comment, then scooted further up and clasped her arms around her bent knees. “Are you going to the bridge today?”

“I thought I would. Tuvok is probably getting a little too used to being in charge.” He realized, at the slight fall of her face, that he probably shouldn’t have said that. “I mean…”

She shook her head. “No, you’re right. I need to leave these four walls and …” she stopped speaking abruptly. “Did you hear that?”

Chakotay quirked his brows and listened. All he heard was silence, backed by the usual hum of the warp engine and the soft breaths of the still-sleeping Charlie. “No?” he asked, hesitantly. “What do you hear?”

“Shh!” she threw her arm toward him. She stayed silent for a moment, practically holding her breath. “Phasers!” She turned panicked eyes his way. “Chakotay, it’s phaser fire I hear!” She scrambled off the bed and rushed to the dresser, pulling open drawers.

He still heard nothing. “Kathryn …” he gently called. “I don’t hear …”

“The baby!” she started toward the crib at the other end of the room. “I have to protect Charlie!”

He reached for her, to stop her. “Kathryn,” he said a bit more forcefully. “I don’t hear anything.”

“I need to get to the baby!” She pushed him.

“Let me contact Tuvok and see if something is wrong before we react.” He tapped the combadge on the nightstand and contacted the bridge. They reported everything was quiet, and nothing was on sensors. “There’s nothing out there.”

Kathryn panicked. “You don’t believe me!” She pushed hard against him. “Let go of me! I have to protect our baby!”

“He’s fine, Kathryn! He’s sleeping.” At that moment, Charlie started crying. Chakotay sighed. He was sleeping.

While he was distracted, Kathryn pushed out of his arms and rushed for the living area. “They’re getting closer!” She was pulling open every drawer and searching every shelf. She turned as he followed. “Where the hell are your phasers?” She grabbed a book off the shelf and waved it at him. “We can’t protect ourselves with books!” She threw the hard book at him.

“Ow!” Now he got angry. “Kathryn! There is nothing out there!” He had to calm himself down so he could calm her down. She was clearly lost in a flashback and getting angry with her wouldn’t help. He took a deep breath and tamped down his anger. “Kathryn,” he said again, softer this time. “There’s no one coming. No phasers.”

Charlie cried louder.

“They’ve got the baby!” She ran for the bedroom.

“No!” Chakotay ran after her, afraid she’d hurt the boy, accidentally, in her fear. He rushed to the front of her and reached to grab her arms. “He’s fine. He’s just confused about all this noise.”

She stopped and looked to his face with tear-filled eyes. “Why won’t you let me see him. They’ve hurt him, haven’t they?” Both her hands clasped over her mouth. “He’s dead,” she mumbled, even though the boy still wailed. Chakotay grabbed her when she fell into his arms, and then sank with her as her legs collapsed.

He held her tightly as Kathryn practically burrowed into his chest and shoulder. “Shh, ni’hana, Charlie is fine.” He cradled her close and lay his cheek against the top of her head.

“It wasn’t real, was it?” she mumbled against his neck. Her arms wrapped tightly around him. “I can’t command a ship like this.”

“Not now, Kathryn, but you will,” he assured her. “You will.” He turned and pressed a kiss atop her head. “That chair will always be yours.”

“It should be yours, now,” she told him in a pained voice.

He shook his head. “You’ll be back, Kathryn. I know you will.” He assured her with gentle caresses to her head. “Until then, Tuvok and I will take care of your ship.” He felt her nod against his shoulder and moved to pick her up and carry her to the bed. He stayed with her until she quieted and settled.

He tucked her in and assured that she was okay, before he moved back to pick up the now-hiccuping Charlie. “I’m going to get him fed and dressed. Do you want some tea or oats?” Chakotay asked as he stood in the doorway.

“Tea, I think,” she replied, fidgeting with her hands. She reached to wipe a stray tear from her cheek and glanced up at him. “Chakotay … I’m sorry. You didn’t sign up for this. This isn’t what a first officer does.”

He gave her a patient smile as he bounced the seven-month-old in his arms. Chakotay moved closer to the bed and sat. “I am not just your first officer, Kathryn.” He set Charlie on his knee and reached to take one of the teary-eyed woman’s hands. “I am also your friend.” He squeezed her hand. “And this is what a friend does.”

Charlie reached for her, hands opening and closing, and babbled incoherently. Kathryn moved to take him, and Chakotay leaned forward to give. Charlie chose that moment to babble something that sounded very much like, “ammam-mamamama,” as he reached around Kathryn’s neck and snuggled into her chest.

Chakotay froze. Kathryn froze. Charlie hummed “mamamama” happily and pushed the usual middle two fingers of his left hand into his mouth, to suck on, contentedly.

Wide-blue eyes met his startled brown eyes. Did he just … Chakotay hadn’t expected… well, maybe he should have. But, he hadn’t expected Charlie to call … how would he have known the word? He wasn’t around … Then realization set in: Naomi. He’d probably heard Naomi call Sam ‘Mama’. “Kathryn, I …”

He watched as she - hesitantly, at first, then more sure - wrapped her arms tightly around the quiet child. She settled back against the low wall, behind the bed, and, judging by the serenity that moved over her features, took succor in the small bundle of energy that lay calm against her chest.

She looked up at him. “I suppose it was inevitable.” She lightly caressed the small, black-haired head. “I am here. He’ll know the difference when he’s older.”

All Chakotay could do was nod. His emotions were warring and he needed to leave before he said something stupid like ‘I love you’. “I should,” he stood, “get his breakfast.” He moved to the living room and took a deep breath. He dropped into the chair and leaned forward, hunched over, his forearms on his legs.

Chakotay blew out a deep breath and brushed his hair back, but still leaned forward; everything he’d ever wanted lay in his bed, but it was an illusion. She was broken, he was broken. Charlie though, Charlie was perfect. But Chakotay was afraid that, one day, he or Kathryn would resent the boy, because of his mother and how he’d come into their lives. It was unfair to his son, and was most decidedly not his usual way of thinking.

Oh, but, this morning, he’d had a moment of terror that if Kathryn saw Charlie in her fright, she’d only see his forehead, think of Seska, and … Chakotay closed his eyes, tightly, at the thought. Gods, they needed a counselor. A real one. But, out here, they were left on their own. He needed to talk to the Doctor. Perhaps the EMH would have an idea of where they could go from there. 

He reached to tap his combadge and realized he was still shirtless. He stood and activated the portable unit on his desk. He contacted Samantha Wildman, in audio only, and asked if it was possible for she and Naomi to come keep Kathryn and Charlie company, while he went to speak with the Doctor. She agreed and replied that she’d be there in twenty minutes. 

With that time limit, Chakotay went to his replicator and got food for Charlie, and oats and tea for Kathryn. She was, finally, fully on solid foods. He re-entered the bedroom and gave the food to the woman who lay in his bed, and let her feed Charlie while he dressed.

“Ensign Wildman and her daughter are going to stop by and visit for a little while. Naomi and Charlie have become fast friends,” he told Kathryn with a smile. “I’m going to go check with Tuvok.” He spoke in general terms, because mentioning the bridge and work may have been what triggered her, earlier.

Once he finished his morning ablutions, he took the baby so Kathryn could dress herself. By the time both were ready, the door chimed and their visitors had arrived. Chakotay let the pair in and, once they were settled and visiting, he left the women to their chatting.

Chakotay made his way up to Sickbay and saw that the doctor was busy. He told the holographic physician that he’d like to see him, in private.

“Is everything all right, Commander?” 

Chakotay nodded. “It’s not an emergency. I’ll wait in your office.” He walked through and entered the small room, to bide his time.

After a few moments, the clear doors slid open. The Doctor entered, complaining of holodecks and off safeties. He stopped, took a needless breath, and asked: “And how is the Captain, today?”

“Physically, she’s fine,” Chakotay said. “Mentally,” he rubbed his hand over his eyes. He breathed deeply and looked at his fellow officer. “I don’t know, Doc. I mentioned going to the Bridge, this morning, and, one minute, Kathryn was fine. The next, she was in a panic and hearing phantom phaser fire.” He leaned forward in his seat, elbows on his knees. “I don’t want to say this, because it kills me to even think it,” he glanced down in his hesitation, then met the Doctor’s eyes. “I don’t know how she can captain the ship like this.” He swallowed, and continued: “And, for a brief moment, this morning, I thought she would hurt Charlie.” He felt his eyes begin to tear and quickly looked down. “What does that say about me?”

He felt a gentle hand settle on his arm. “It says you’re a caring father.”

“But, not a very good friend,” Chakotay finished the sentence with sadness in his voice.

“That’s not true,” the doctor told him, gently. “You’ve gone above and beyond for the Captain. It’s clear that you care about her a great deal.”

Chakotay’s head shot up, and he opened his mouth to speak.

The Doctor staved off his warning with a raised hand. “I know.” He then took the conversation in a different direction. “Is there a specific reason you thought she could hurt your son?”

“I’m …” he hesitated before speaking his fear. “I’m concerned that, while lost in a waking nightmare, she’ll see his forehead, think of Seska, and hurt him, in her fright.”

“Oh.” The hologram spoke matter-of-factly: “I can remove his ridge, if you’d like.”

For a brief instant, Chakotay actually considered the option, then mentally checked himself. “I can’t do that, Doc. I won’t deny my son his heritage.” 

“I understand.”

“What she needs is a counselor,” Chakotay snapped at the doctor. He took a deep breath and calmed. “I’m sorry. It’s been a rough morning.”

“If I could help with that, I would. But my counseling subroutines are lacking and the Captain’s situation is beyond anything I could do.”

Chakotay nodded. For such a planned, short mission, and the fact that Voyager had been intended as a science vessel, in the long run, there’d been no need for a counselor. No one could have anticipated a seventy-year trip through Hell. “It’s just frustrating,” Chakotay told the EMH. “I’ve done everything I can think of to do. She needs professional help.” Hell, he probably did too, at this point.

“I really wish I could be of service, Commander,” the Doctor said, regretfully. “The best I can tell you is to keep doing what you are doing. Listen, be patient, and when you feel she’s ready, start slowly easing her back into the community.”


	4. Chapter 4

Chakotay toweled off his hair, then tossed the cloth across the rack in his bathroom. He’d indulged himself in a quick water shower, something he rarely did of late, because he usually saved the water for Kathryn to use for her baths. He finished his nightly routine, then eased quietly back into the bedroom. 

As he passed it, he glanced into the crib that his son slept in, and noticed - with a smile - drool puddling beneath Charlie’s mouth. He reached in and gently moved the baby away from the wetness. Charlie had begun teething a couple months ago and now, at nine months of age, had three teeth. With a final fingertip caress of the small head, Chakotay moved to the bed.

Kathryn lay on her side, sleeping peacefully. He moved to his left side of the bed and gently slid in. He turned to face her and watched her back as her breath ebbed and flowed in the calm steadiness of sleep. She hadn’t had a bad dream in weeks and, once they’d learned what triggered her waking nightmares, they’d been able to mostly control those, as well. He felt she was finally, steadily, on the path of getting back to the bridge. 

He reached and wrapped the end of a strand of her red-gold hair around his finger. Tomorrow, she would be going with Neelix on a short, diplomatic mission to meet with a friendly species called the Tak Tak, for general supplies. He was a bit nervous: this would be the first time she’d been off ship since the Kazon attack, and the first time she’d been away from him since he’d found her. 

He’d spoken, at length, with Neelix; not giving away any personal information, but, certainly letting their friendly Talaxian know certain words or phrases that could throw her into a panic, or how to take care of her during a nightmare. Chakotay was sure she’d be okay, or he wouldn’t have agreed to let her go, alone. She needed this time, not just to prove to herself that she was improving, but also to prove that she could absolutely captain her ship, again.

With that thought in mind, Chakotay closed his eyes and, with her hair still wrapped around his finger, slipped into his own dreamless sleep.

=/\=

Two days after Kathryn had left with Neelix, Voyager received a distress call that was close enough to attend to, yet still make their scheduled rendezvous. That distress call began a whole different nightmare, as the ship was overrun by a type of macro-virus that they had no control over.

When the crew started falling to the creatures, he’d began keeping Charlie with him, to better protect the boy. He told Ensign Wildman that she, too, could keep her daughter close to her. He had the Doctor working, full time, on a way to eradicate the literal, monstrous disease.

In the end, it was all for naught: Charlie had been infected, first, and, in a battle to keep the creature from taking his son, Chakotay had been stabbed by the large stinger and fell.

His next conscious thought was waking in sickbay, with a very bedraggled and exhausted-looking Kathryn leaning over him. She’d never looked more beautiful to him than in that moment. “Kathryn. What …” He looked around the very full sickbay for one small person. “Charlie?” He started to sit, but she pushed him back with a gentle hand on his chest.

“He’s fine,” she smiled. “Samantha is with the little ones. We had no casualties.” She glanced down, then back to him, and made a face. “Well, Holodeck Two is going to need some major reconstruction, and Tom’s resort program was lost.”

He lay back and turned slightly, so he could prop himself on an elbow while speaking. “Aw, darn. I’ll miss the barely-dressed women.” Kathryn snorted and gave his shoulder a smack.

She drifted a hand through her loose, long hair. Chakotay idly wondered where the clasp went to and reached to brush some dirt from her temple. “What happened?”

“Neelix and I returned to find Voyager adrift and overrun by those virus creatures.” She smiled broadly. “Chakotay, I did it!” She glanced down at herself and grimaced. “I need to take a sonic shower and then soak in the tub for a few hours.” She met his eyes again, and he was struck by the happy confidence he saw in her blue-steel gaze. A confidence he hadn’t seen in some time.

He reached to take her hand. “What did you do, Captain?”

Her smile broadened at his use of her rank. “I saved the ship and my crew, Commander.” She laughed then, a cross between laugh and a sob. “On my own, Chakotay. I had some help from the Doctor, but, I did this,” she glanced around the room, “without hesitation.” She lowered her voice and leaned closer, “and without flashbacks.”

At that moment, Chakotay didn’t care how public they were. This was a major milestone in her healing and it needed to be acknowledged by more than a ‘good job’ and a pat on the shoulder. He pushed himself up and pulled her into a warm solid hug. “I’m so happy for you, Ni’hana.” And he was. Immensely. He knew this would give her the boost she needed to feel like she could take her life back and begin to truly live again.

And it did. After that day, she started slowly, but she began to spend time on the Bridge. A couple hours a day soon became four, then six, until, finally, seven months later, she was back in her center seat, full time. All was not perfect; there were still some lingering fears, and they’d discovered new things that would trigger her, but, over all, she was finally in good health, both physically and mentally.

She still hadn’t shown any inclination to return to her own quarters and, after a year, he didn’t expect her to ever move back. If she brought it up, he’d offer to let her stay and just move he and Charlie next door. But, she’d never asked. And he would never push her to ask.

Over all, life had returned to a sort of normal on the USS Voyager.

Then came the Borg and Species 8472, and everything went to Hell. Again.

Voyager had entered Borg space, and found the deadly species on the losing end of a war with aliens even more powerful than they were. Ensign Kim had been nearly fatally injured by contact with the new creatures that, they’d learned, were known as Species 8472.

In order to hopefully gain safe passage through the vast Borg space, Kathryn had managed to form an alliance with their old enemies. The Devil you know and all that. Chakotay never trusted that alliance, and tried to communicate it to his Captain, but she vehemently disagreed and they’d fought.

In the end, she’d been seriously injured and he’d done what he considered was best for the ship and the crew: he’d severed the tenuous alliance and, with very little guilt, had decompressed the Cargo Bay, containing the few drones that had been transported over when their cube was destroyed, in the incident that injured Kathryn. They had attempted to assimilate Voyager when Chakotay hadn’t allowed them to turn back and find a new cube. He couldn’t allow that to happen, and defended his ship and crew by killing the Borg drones.

Voyager had defeated the attacking 8472, using the weapon they’d created, and severed the sole drone survivor from the Collective. They had prevailed, but he and Kathryn were barely on speaking terms.

Two days later, they had lost Kes, when her mental powers had evolved into something greater than even she had expected. To keep them safe, their young Ocampan friend had left the ship. And, with her leaving, she’d managed to use her abilities to move the ship beyond the vastness of Borg space, taking at least ten years off their journey home.

That night, Chakotay dropped hard on the couch, where he’d been sleeping since they’d fought over the Borg. He was exhausted; tired of fighting Kathryn. Tired of chasing the now very-mobile Charlie, and tired of, really, everything. He lay down, intent on a good night’s sleep. 

“What are we doing, Chakotay?”

He was half-asleep, facing the back of the couch, when he heard her quiet inquiry. He turned. “What do you mean?” She stood in the doorway of his bedroom, wearing one of her satin gowns and holding a white towel, bunched in her hands. Her hair was wet and cascaded over one shoulder. Most likely, she’d just finished a bath.

“I mean this,” she gestured to the general room, to the space between them, towel clutched in one hand to her chest.

He sat up. “I don’t understand.”

“We’ve been fighting and, instead of going to seperate quarters, like we really should have, you moved to the couch,” she told him in a voice filled with a confused sadness.

“I’m not going to have you go to your quarters.” Her subtle, unconscious flinch, even a year out, at the mention of her quarters, told him he was right to not push her. “And,” he added a slight grin, hoping to add a bit of levity, “these are my quarters.”

A slight upcurve of her lips was the only indication she’d acknowledged his joke.

In truth, he’d been concerned that the events of the last few days could potentially restart her nightmares. She still had the occasional one, as it was, and he didn’t want to leave her alone. Whatever argument they had, he still cared enough about her to want to be there, should she need him.

“Why?” she asked in a voice just barely above a whisper.

“Why what?” he responded in kind.

“Why did you go against my orders as soon as you could?”

He looked down, then back to her. “I knew the Borg wouldn’t honor the agreement. They wanted us to turn around and fly back into the heart of their space, to find them another ship.” He picked at some lint on his sweatpants. “That was not a chance I going to take. We wouldn’t have survived another attack from either the Borg or Species 8472.” He leaned back and lay his head on the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling and giving himself a moment to collect his thoughts. “I terminated the alliance and was going to give the drones we had aboard the information they needed to defeat their enemy. We were even going to find a suitable, unoccupied planet, for them to live on.” He blew out his breath. “Kathryn, when I killed those drones, they were trying to assimilate the ship.” He shook his head and met her gaze.

“Would it have happened if you hadn’t terminated the agreement?” she asked.

He nodded. “I believe so, yes.” He shook his head and lowered it. “I was thinking of our crew, of Charlie and Naomi,” and of the sheer horror of the thought that he would kill his own child before seeing him assimilated. He blinked away his threatening tears. “The minute we realized what they were doing, I acted. I wasn’t going to let those bastards near our family, Ni’hana.”

She stepped forward, her brow quirked; her own face tear-stained. “You keep calling me that.” Damn. He hadn’t meant to say it.

“What?”

She moved closer still, stopping in front of him. She looked down at him and he looked up at her. “Ni’hana. What does it mean?”

He sat back against the couch and let his hands fall to the bend in his legs. “The Hanon chief taught me his language, and I taught him Federation Standard, and some phrases of my own Dorvan language.” He watched her face as she nodded. “Ni’hana, in Federation Standard, roughly means ‘family maker’.” He reached for her hand as she quirked her brows. “No, not like that.”

Chakotay pulled the towel from her grasp and tossed it on the couch. He took her other hand. “To me, you are a family maker.” He tightened his hold when she started to pull away. “You took two different crews, my Maquis and your Starfleet, united us, and created a family.”

He turned with her as she sat down. “We’re a family of Voyagers. And that’s because of you, Kathryn. You gave my people a purpose and they’re thriving.”

“What about us?” She’d upturned their grasp, so their fingers entwined. “We’ve slept together in your bed for nearly a year.”

“You needed a caregiver.”

“We had an argument and you moved to the couch.”

He bowed his head, then felt her fingers move to his chin and press his head up so their eyes met. “Your son calls me ‘Mama’ and neither of us have told him otherwise.” Her thumb caressed his cheek. “Chakotay, when did _we_ become a family?”

“I think,” he started slowly, “it happened when we weren’t looking.”

She smiled and nodded. “I think it did too.”

He felt her lean forward and was surprised when she pressed her lips to his. His free hand moved upward and pressed over her hand, against his cheek, as he let her control the kiss. Her lips opened to his and he let his fingers drift through her hair and cup her head.

He dropped her other hand and traced his up her arm, to her shoulder, then around to the nape of her neck. He traced her lips with his tongue, easing the tip in to meet hers. She tasted of coffee, berries, and a hint of the mushroom soup they’d had for dinner. There was another taste, one that was inherently Kathryn, and he found he could quickly become addicted to it.

He pulled away before they could go any further and lay his forehead against hers, trying desperately to cool his ardor. He had no idea if she was ready for anything more, and didn’t want any simple misunderstanding to set back her progress.

“Chakotay,” she whispered. Her warm breath ghosted across his cheeks and he closed his eyes to quell the flutter of arousal it caused. “Ni’hana means more than just general family, doesn’t it?”

He tightened his hold on her, then moved back, just enough to look in her eyes. “It’s used to denote a spouse. The woman of the house.”

“The maker of the family.”

“They’re a primitive people.”

“It’s a beautiful word.”

“You are my family, Kathryn.” He took the chance and told her. “You and Charlie.”

He felt her lips move to his, again, and opened his mouth to her. She moved to his jaw and peppered kisses along the bone, to the ear he often tugged. “I love you, Chakotay,” she huskily whispered. She lay her head on his shoulder, and buried her nose into the crook of his neck, her body curled on the couch and leant against his.

He turned, to more comfortably hold her against him, letting her rest between his legs. He tightened his arms around her, “I love you, too, Kathryn. I have for some time.”

“I know,” she nestled closer. “Thank you.” She lifted, to meet his eyes. “Thank you for being my everything, this past year.” He drifted his hand gently up and down her back as she spoke. He held one of her thin, delicate hands in his, and pressed kisses along her fingers, to the palm, as she spoke. “I wouldn’t have survived what they did to me, if you hadn’t been here for me.”

He gave her a warm smile. “You would have, Kathryn. You’re so much stronger than you know.” He pressed a kiss to her wrist. “You would have worked through it. You did work through it.”

“But, without you, and that sweet little bundle of energy sleeping in the bedroom, I wouldn’t have made it.”

“Remember you called him sweet when he destroys half our quarters in a fit of pique, in about a year, when we won’t let him put bean paste on the comms terminal.”

She laughed.

He scooted down, and slightly over, so they could lay together on the couch, with her still laying comfortably against him. “We both were glad to be the ones you trusted to your care.”

He felt her hand inch up along his free arm, lifting it over his head and she rolled and captured his mouth, this time in a kiss that both begged for, and promised more. He trailed his hand back down her arm to wrap around her back and then up to bury itself into the still damp hair at her neck. The other arm followed, caressing her back as she pressed tiny kisses over his face.

She pushed herself up then and straddled him. “I want you,” she said. “I want to prove …”

“Kathryn, you don’t have …” his words stopped when she pulled her gown up and over her head, and casually tossed it to the floor. She was nude, save for slim white panties. His own body reacted, immediately, and he felt himself harden as arousal took hold of his senses.

“Touch me, please,” she implored. She took his hands and started to move them upward, when his muscle control took over and he cupped her breasts. He briefly had a flash of Culluh and his men touching her and growled. He gentled his touch and leaned forward to take one nipple in his mouth, teasing it lightly with his teeth and tongue.

He hummed contentedly, when Kathryn moaned and lay forward easing his reach. He lay back against the arm of the couch, giving him a half-seated elevation, and allowing his arms to be free to touch, caress; arouse. His ministrations elicited pleasurable sounds from her lips.

His hands roamed lower, fingers tucking under the band of the only scrap of clothing she still wore. Chakotay paused for a moment, looking her in the eyes, and asked: “Is this okay?” He would stop immediately if it wasn’t.

Kathryn’s hands moved to his and she knelt up over him. “Please,” she husked. She moved to a stand next to the couch. Chakotay turned when she stood and, together, they removed the remaining strip of cloth, and with it the powerlessness shed lived with since the kazon attack.

He pulled her now-completely nude body close and pressed a kiss against her belly. “Tell me what you want, Kathryn,” he spoke against her skin. She smelled of the lavender bath soap she’d just used, with a heady mix of arousal. It only served to add to his own rising need.

“You,” she cried softly and sat over his still fully-clothed lap. “I want you to change my memories; to give me new ones.”

He hugged her tightly and kissed along her shoulder, then up her neck, to her ear. He smiled when she moved her head to the side and moaned deeply. He’d clearly found an erogenous zone. He lightly nipped, and then licked, at the area as he traced his hands over her body. 

He wanted to feel her against all of him, but he was still wearing his night clothes. “I need to take my pants off, Kathryn. Stand for a moment.”

She acquiesced and moved, but then surprised him when she crouched and helped him pull the black sweatpants off and tossed them aside. He lay back with a groan when she wrapped her hand around his thick erection. “Gods,” he muttered, “Kathryn.” He sat and pulled her up and over to him. “I need you.”

Chakotay turned and lay back with her atop him. “You’re in control, Ni’hana. Do what you want, what makes you feel good.” He would let her control every moment of their lovemaking for the first time. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

She straddled him and lay forward, their entire upper bodies touching. “I like it when you call me that.” She kissed him, then nipped at his bottom lip. “Touch me.” She sat and pulled his hand to the wetness at the apex of her thighs. “I need you to touch me.”

She lay back to the other end of the couch and pulled him up with her, effectively switching their positions. She pressed his hand to her arousal. Chakotay drifted his fingers slowly over her slick folds, barely brushing past her clitorus. She sighed and he felt her spread her legs wider. She hummed and rolled her hips as his touch became more effective.

Chakotay sat back on his haunches and lowered to press kisses along her belly and lower. He wanted to taste her. Needed to taste her. He blew lightly on her clit before, laying and swiping his tongue gently over the sensitive nub. She bucked at the touch and whimpered. He lifted. “Kathryn?” He wanted to make sure her sounds were good sounds.

“I’m fine,” she replied in a voice deep with arousal. “Please don’t stop.”

He lowered himself and licked through her wetness. Her taste and smell were driving him to distraction. Chakotay had to stop himself from grinding against the couch for relief. He felt her legs drape over his back and her fingers tangle in his hair as he gave her body the attention it deserved.

He shifted slightly, to allow himself to tease her warm moistness with his finger, then slowly enter her. He reached up, with his free hand, and grasped the fingers of the closest of her hands. She lay their joined hands across her stomach as she arched her back and then pushed against his mouth. He added a second finger and began a thrusting rhythm countered with his tongue laving over her clit.

Her panting whimpers and twitching muscles were signs that she was approaching an orgasm. She cried out, then clearly remembered the sleeping baby and quieted her moans. He felt her vagina contract against his fingers and an excess of fluid coated his fingers. When she settled, he eased his fingers from her and eagerly lapped at her folds, humming against her moans.

Chakotay kissed his way up her body, to lay over her, and captured her lips, slipping his tongue into her mouth. He breathed deeply and settled his forehead over hers.

“I like how I taste on you,” she told him as she pressed kisses over his face and mouth, licking her own fluid from his skin. She reached and pushed him away slightly.

He closed his eyes as she trailed her thin fingers over his face and traced his tattoo. She pulled him close, again, and muttered against his lips: “I need to feel you inside me.” 

He reached and guided his hard length to her opening and eased in, giving her time to adjust and to, hopefully, avoid any lingering memories. As he slowly entered her, he watched her face, the expressions that crossed her features. Her eyes. She closed her eyes and threw her head back. 

As he pressed deeper, and began a slow thrusting motion, she suddenly whimpered and furrowed her brows. Her cries became fearful and she clenched her eyes tightly. “Kathryn,” he said softly. He stopped his motion and caressed her face. “Look at me, my Ni’hana,” he gently urged. “You’re safe.” He lowered and pressed a light kiss on the tip of her nose.

She opened her eyes and, for a brief moment, he saw fear, before recognition slid into her blue gaze. “Chakotay,” her voice hitched. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He started to pull away, when her legs tightened around his waist.

“No,” she whispered. “I need to do this. I need you.” Tears rolled from her eyes and into her hair. “I love you. I want to love you.”

He wiped away her tears and lowered to kiss her, softly. “Together, Ni’hana.” He gently lay over her and let her hold him against her, within her; to know what his body felt like. “We’ll do this together.”

He slightly lifted, still gently caressing her face with his hands. “Leave your eyes open and just watch me. Know it’s me.” She nodded. He slowly returned to his thrusting, careful to keep his movements smooth and easy.

“Use your legs to guide me, Kathryn. Set the pace that is comfortable for you,” he told her, careful that his eyes never left hers. 

He let her control the speed and the depth of his thrusts, and soon the whimpers and moans she made were ones of pleasure. He added kisses into their lovemaking, letting her tongue into his mouth, sucking lightly as she soon lost herself to the pleasure he was giving. She arched her back, pressed her heels hard into his buttocks, and ground against him as her orgasm moved over her in waves. 

The undulation of her muscles were the final sensation he needed to push himself over the edge and breathed hard against her shoulder as he came inside her. He moaned against her ear as she held him tight. 

“Gods, I love you,” he mumbled as he slowly regained his senses, and realized she was crying softly into his shoulder.

Chakotay rolled them so she lay next to him. He slipped from her as they turned and he eased them into a comfortable tangle of bodies and limbs. “Shhh,” he cooed in her ear, “it’s okay.”

“You have so much to give,” she sniffled against his chest. “You shouldn’t be stuck with someone as broken as I am; that they made me.”

He held her tighter. “Kathryn Janeway, I’m not stuck with you,” he tried to assure her. “I am here because I want to be here. I love you with everything that I am and everything that I will be.”

“You shouldn’t. I’m not worth it.”

“You are so very worth it,” He told her. “You are an incredible woman, a good mother, and an excellent captain.”

She snorted disdainfully. “Some fucking captain I am. One week into my mission, I got us all stranded seventy years from home.”

“Don’t.”

She sat up. “Don’t? Don’t what? List all the ways I have completely fucked up my first command?” He watched as she slid over him and to a stand. She glanced around, found her gown and slipped it angrily over her head.

“Kathryn,” he reached for her, but she stepped back out of his grasp.

“No,” she gasped in a sob. “I need to do this! I took us into a Goddamned trap with the Kazon and with her …” she gulped in a breath. “Seska.”

“We have Charlie. He’s safe because we came back for him,” Chakotay argued back.

“We didn’t rescue him,” she growled. “They left him for dead, with me. And what if she’d lied and he really hadn’t been yours? I took us into a trap.”

“That decision was both of ours, based on what we knew, at the time,” he told her as he retrieved his pants and slipped them on. “We know, now, that she was telling the truth.”

“About Charlie, yes,” she said. “It was everything else she was lying about. I don’t think the Maje knew the baby wasn’t his. Culluh didn’t reject Charlie until … until that bitch was dead.”

He gave her a look, surprised at the venom she aimed at Seska. Granted, she was a piece of work. He fell for her lies, too, and, if he was being honest, maybe he fell a little for her. When he thought she was a Bajoran survivor. “Kathryn.”

“It was me, she was after.”

“What?” That made no sense. Everything the Cardassian woman had done had been to get back at him. “What do you mean?”

“When I was an ensign, my captain, Owen Paris, and I spent time in Cardassian custody.” 

Oh Gods. He started for her, but she held up her hand and stopped him.

“I had to sit in a tiny cell and listen to them torture my captain.” She dropped into the chair next to the couch. “I listened and waited, in fear, knowing I was next. I knew what Cardassians did to their female prisoners.” She muttered under her breath: “And now I know what Kazon do to their female prisoners.”

“Kathryn,” Chakotay lowered to his knees and reached for her. He stopped when she shook her head.

“I was rescued before anything could happen. Admiral Paris and I both were rescued.” She glanced downward then back to his face. “Our jailer was killed in the battle. He was Seska’s father.”

He was shocked. “What?”

“She was after me for revenge.”

“She couldn’t have planned this revenge of hers from the beginning,” Chakotay said, trying to piece things together. “I doubt she’d take the time to join a Maquis cell and then get herself trapped in the Delta Quadrant, just for revenge.”

“No,” she told him, softness in her voice. “She started planning this revenge once she got onto Voyager and realized I was the captain. I didn’t know there was even a connection until … she told me.”

He stood and reached to pull her up.

She refused his hand and just looked up at him. “They kept me chained to my bed.”

He dropped back down. “Please don’t, Kathryn.” He really didn’t want to hear this. The angry warrior in him did not need to hear this. 

“Culluh threatened to decompress the cargo bays, and kill you all, if I didn’t give him my access codes. That’s how they got control of Voyager so fast. He was going to send me down with you, and he did. But Seska was the one who insisted they take me.”

Once she started talking, she didn’t stop, and Chakotay was afraid that if he heard her actually relate her experiences, he’d need to go after the Nistrim Maje. And rip every limb from his body. Bare-handed.

“Culluh and his men,” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she continued, “they raped me, over and over; they fed me very little, ignored my biological needs until I could no longer hold it in, then beat me for it.” She wiped at silently-falling tears. “Seska tortured me. Physically. Mentally.” She hesitated, then whispered: “Sexually.” 

The more Chakotay listened, the angrier he got. He had to take deep, meditative breaths in order to keep from throwing anything he could get his hands on. If Seska wasn’t already dead, he’d wrap his hands around her neck and squeeze the life out of her.

“For a while, they kept me fairly clean,” she continued, unaware of the battle that grew inside his mind. Chakotay pulled his attention to her. He knew she needed to excise these wounds so they would heal. “I don’t know when or how Seska died. But she stopped coming. It was about then that they stopped feeding me all together. I started to see the Kazon soldiers less and less. Every so often, one would come in, quickly clean me off to take his … pleasure, then I’d be left alone, again.”

He watched as she curled into the chair, the deeper into her experiences she got.

“I thought I was going to die there, shackled to my bed, in my own filth.” She shook her head and looked across at a wall. He realized she’d been avoiding his gaze for a while. “Then, one day, Culluh came in with the baby. He was crying.” Her voice wavered. “He was probably as hungry as I was. I’m sure they stopped feeding him after Seska died.” She wiped away a tear. “Culluh literally tossed Charlie at me, complaining that he wouldn’t raise another man’s whelp.” Her eyes met his, then. “I knew, then, that she hadn’t lied, and the baby really was yours.”

Chakotay swallowed his anger and moved closer to her, when he heard Kathryn start to cry in earnest. He sat on the floor, at her feet; took her hand; kissed her palm; and gave it a squeeze. She lay their hands on her thigh as she spoke.

“I tried to take care of him,” she said past her tears, “but I couldn’t touch him. I tried to use my legs to ease him closer to me, without turning him over. I was afraid I’d accidentally smother him. He was too little to roll himself.” She lay her head against the back of the chair. “He finally settled against me and cried himself to sleep. I couldn’t hold him, so I talked to him, instead. To assure him that it was going to be okay.” Her breath hitched. “Even though I knew it wouldn’t.”

She shook her head against the chair. “I don’t know how long it was. I’d completely lost all track of time, by then, but I felt something hit the ship.” Chakotay drifted his thumb over the back of her hand and she lifted her free hand to wipe her eyes. Her eyes met his. “Something happened with the phasers and they, I guess, overloaded back into the ship. I felt a sharp jolt and I think I lost consciousness, because the next time I woke up, Charlie and I were lying on the floor, somewhere.”

“When Tom and the Talaxians retook Voyager, they had Doc and Suder rig the phasers to overload, like that, so they could neutralize all of the Kazon, at once,” he explained to her. It hadn’t occurred to him, until she mentioned it, that she or the baby would have been hurt, too. He lay his head on their connected hands. “I’m so sorry, Kathryn. If only Tom had known you were there. He thought you were with the rest of us.”

He felt her other hand brush over his head. “He did what he needed to do. I would have done the same thing, in his place,” she offered, quietly.

“When I woke in that lab, my arms were free and I could finally hold the baby. It hurt like Hell to move my arms, but his comfort and safety were more important to me. He was your son, which made him a part of my crew.” Her hand moved to trace his tattoo as Chakotay lifted his head. “More important to me was that he was a part of you.” He heard her choke back a sob. “If I couldn’t get back to you, I wanted to make damned sure that he did.” That she took what she thought were the last moments of her life to think about his son’s care made him love her even more, if that were possible.

Chakotay gently grasped the hand at his head and eased himself up and settled behind her in the chair. He crossed their arms over her head and wrapped her tightly in his embrace. “I got you both back, Kathryn. My ...” no, “... our son is healthy. He’s happy.” Chakotay pressed a kiss on her neck. “You’re healthy and we’re working on the ‘happy’.” She lightly chuckled and turned in his arms, draping her legs over his.

“Where do we go from here?” she asked, both hands aside his face.

“Up, Captain Kathryn Janeway of the USS Voyager.” He smiled and kissed her. “We can only go up, from here.”

“I still have to get this ship and her crew home.”

“We will get Voyager home, Kathryn.” He shook his head. “We. You won’t do this alone.” He pulled her close, so close their breaths mingled in the thin space. “You have your family with you. Charlie and I.” He brushed hair away from her face and took her lips again. “You also have your Voyager family. We will all … get us home.”

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he closed the distance between their bodies, enveloping her into a warm, tight hug. “Let’s go to bed, Ni’hana. Tomorrow is a new day.” He scooted off the chair and held her across his arms as he walked into their bedroom.

“Tomorrow will be a good day,” she mumbled, sleepily, against his neck.

He gently lay her in the bed, then slid in behind her and gathered her in his arms. She settled, with her head on his chest, and, as he gently rubbed her arm, he could hear Charlie lightly babbling in his sleep and smiled.

Yes. Tomorrow, and all the tomorrows yet to come, would be good days.


End file.
